hmm... so life...  its pretty crazy right now.  lol  first of all there's school... im takin 16 hrs, i walk into two of my classes on the first day to hear that "this will be your hardest class this semester"... thats always reassuring...  ive already had two tests, i think they went pretty well.  i had a mgmt test on wed, an abnormal psyc test on fri, a spanish composition on fri, i have a psyc of learning test on tues, a 3-5 page paper due for my sociology class on thurs.  lol  ive had one hell of a week, and ive yet to finish it.  pretty much from now till the end of the semester, i have something due every week.  not to mention my activities im in... womens chorus is singing valentines all next weekend... i sing from 12-3 on sat, 12-2 on sun, and from 3-5 and 7-8 on monday.  last year i lost my voice, so im hoping that i dont loose it again this year!  im tryin really hard to get enough sleep so that i can sing.  on top of that, im the social chair for the figure skating club... and i actually have responsibilities this semester   lol  either the club was way unorganized before or we're just gettin more people, but thats seemin to take up more of my time.

im way excited for mexico spring break w my friends from home.  its gonna be crazy!  im just sick and tired of the damn company screwing shit up... lol  im no longer going to study abroad in Spain... the program was too individualized for me... and i dont think i woulda had any fun.  especially since i didnt know anyone going.  im gonna be able to go to China now tho with womens chorus, so that should be fun!

hmm i dont know what else...  im pretty much one big mess right now.  inside and out.  im stressed beyond my capacity, not sleeping enough... and sick and tired of shitty people.  and not at all looking forward to having to sing valentines.  and thats pretty much it for now.

Im torn...

Im so ready to go back to cs...  Reasons: possibilities, roommates, apartment, family drivin me nuts, freedom, friends...

BUT im not ready to leave my friends here...  its so different here than it is in CS... not bad in either situation, but different... i know once im back ill be so happy im back  lol!  but i am gonna miss my friends from home like crazy... they're like family  "Heres to the nights that become days, and the friends that become family"

SO i think my favorite thing to do in the winter time is to light a fire and roast marshmellows!    not that i like to eat them really... lol  i mean, they're good and all, but i just like to roast em (and im good at it too!)  random, i know, but we roasted marshmellows tonite  lol

I went to IL last weekend... saw my grandmother... shes not doin so well... and i think my uncle is still doin drugs... lol  and its so funny... every time im there, he tells me "u know its never too old to learn and go to school" and im like, dumb shit, i AM in school, ur the one who never went!  i just wish he wasnt such a burden on my grandmother's life... i just wish he had at least TRIED to make something of himself.  He lives in her basement, doesnt work, and does drugs/drinks all the time...  hes 50!  my poor grandmother needs dyalisis and vein surgery, but she wont do it there.  If we could get her to come live here, we could get her a good doctor and take care of her.  She is out of breath just walkin across the kitchen now... and shes 80.  so basically im worried about her.

I also went to WI to visit my sis/bro-in-law/and nieces!  goodness are they growing up fast!  Little Cassidy is HUGE... shes so funny too...  she LOVES baby dolls... carries them around all the time... i sang "rock-a-bye baby" to all 15 dolls before she laid them down for a nap and covered them w blankets.  lol  SOOOO cute   shes like 2? i think.  Ruby is 4 1/2 and is getting older every day.  She makes me feel old when i see her because i remember holding her as a baby... and her reaching for my cross necklace that i was attached to at that time...  and now shes almost too big for me to even pick up!  but they're all well and it was great to get to see them (and some snow for once! and eat at portillos, only the BEST restraunt EVER  lol)

Ive gone back to workin at Outback over break... not estatic about it... but she IS paying us more finally... we got $3 an hr plus tip share before... but now shes payin us $5.15 plus tip share... so that gives me more incentive.  I also need the money for our spring break trip to Acapulco! (WH08P!)  but its kinda frustrating at times... its great to see Sarah again... shes always fun to work w/ and is always entertaining   but the new kids workin there are all 17ish... and so immature... and sometimes i just cant handle it  lol  but whatever, its money and its only for a month.  and it gives me somethin other to do than sit on my ass at home lol!

So i guess thats the update for now... its sooooo good to be back w/ my friends from home... i miss them.  definatley lookin forward to our "dressy" new yrs eve, thanks to Drew's idea.  lol  so i hope you all have a very merry christmas and a wonderful weekend!

i feel empty, lost, used, thrown away, unappreciated, ordinary, forgotten, unloved, tainted...

i hate finals... stress usually = breakdown...

 "Cause I have found all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade...away...again" ~Fuel

There is no future, There is no past,
I live this moment as my last

There's only us, There's only this,
Forget regret, Or life is yours to miss
No other road, No other way,
No day but today"  ~RENT